Clueless

In the blink of an eye, we were on our way to becoming foster/adoptive parents...and let me just say, in our experience becoming foster/adoptive parents was much more difficult than becoming biological parents.

Phillip and I were very blessed that becoming biological parents came easy to us.  It was WHAM BAM THANK YA MAM (if you know what I mean...wink, wink), 9 months of getting fat (or in my case fatter) 6 hours of labor, a couple of nights in the hospital, topped off with a little wheelchair ride to the car.

Then BOOM! Just like that, we were parents!

As we drove off from Baylor Medical Center, Phillip and I literally laughed because we thought if the hospital staff knew how CLUELESS we were, they would have never let us leave with a real, live baby!

It wasn't nearly as easy for us to become foster/adoptive parents!  

First of all, PEOPLE CHECK YOU OUT!

They look at....

Background checks
FBI fingerprints
Physical exams
TB tests
Paycheck stubs
W-2 forms
Pet vaccinations
Auto insurance
Home insurance
Marriage License (although you don't have to be married)
Personal References

That's not all either!  That's just what I remember off the top of my head!

Second of all, YOU GOT TO KNOW STUFF!!!

Here's a few of our training binders and paperwork....It's serious y'all!

Thirty hours of training covering topics such as Rational Detachment, developmental delays, behavior interventions, medication administration, state and federal regulations, etc...

The list could go on and on!   

Oh, and speaking of regulations, one BIGGIE is all knives, guns (INCLUDING NERF GUNS), or weapons of any kind must be locked up!

Let me just show you a picture.  This is how Landon's room looked as we sat and listened to them go over that particular regulation!

Notice his wall!  Nerf guns, air soft guns, knives, and even a machete from Guatemala hung proudly!!! LOL!!!

On top of the thirty hours of training, you also have to complete FORTY hours of observations either in other foster homes or in the shelter at Jonathan's Place.  

Did you know there is a shelter behind the Garland Walmart where foster children live because there aren't enough foster homes?   I didn't!  

I will post about our experience there soon! 

Then of course there are health and fire inspections. We would have FAILED the health inspection miserably had we not been told exactly how to prepare!  I mean clearly from Landon's wall, you can see we had to make some changes!

Lastly, there is a Home Study!  The Grylls' Home Study was special to say the least!!!!!! And yes, I'm being sarcastic....our experience will probably be used in the training called, "What NOT to do during your Home Study"  

I will post about that one later too!

Finally, if you complete all of that, you get one of these...

Our License!

After 12 years of parenting, we became official parents!

The clueless parents who drove off from the hospital with their first baby in the backseat, were exactly the same clueless parents when the CPS worker drove off from their house with their 6 year old in the kitchen!  

No matter the background checks, screenings, trainings, and certificates, we were still thinking, "What in the world are we doing?"

"Why Wouldn't We"

We took our kids to Razoo's for dinner,  and they knew something was up!  We typically don't go out to eat on school nights...especially since our children have developed the idea that the kid's menu is from satan himself!  Nowadays if kid's menus are given to our children, they frown like they have been given a bag of vomit!  It's ridiculous!

Phillip and I told the kids, "Order off the kid's menu!  You'll be fine!"
Then they obeyed us, and said, "Thanks mom and dad for taking us out to eat!" 

NOT!!!!!!!!!!  Hahaha!!!

Who remembers the NOT JOKES??  I totally just showed my age...

It was a thing back in the day.  You can look it up in the Urban Dictionary.  You'll find it was quite popular in the mid-90's!

Anyways, we decided to go out to eat and talk to the kids about K.  I  knew Payton would be over the moon about the idea of fostering.  About a year before, she went through a period of time where she spent her free time searching for foster kids on Adoptuskids.org

If you have ever searched for a car or house online, you are familiar with "narrowing" your search.  First you usually start with your price range, and then for vehicles you input the make, model, mileage, etc...
In looking for a house, you can input # of square feet, # of bedrooms, pool, etc....

One night I caught Payton "narrowing" her search for a sibling to adopt.  Watching her input male or female, age range, ethnicity, etc...just KILLED me!

How heartbreaking is it that there are soooooo many foster children in the US, that you can actually "narrow" your search!  It truly makes me so sad!
Of course, Payton had several great candidates that she begged me to "buy" and I explained to her that you can't just pick out a kid online and "buy" them.  I also told her that if God wanted us to adopt, He would make it very clear to us!

When we told the kids we wanted to foster/adopt a child, they reacted exactly how I expected!

Payton squealed in delight!
Hudson began drilling us with questions, and Landon said, "Pass the ketchup."

Payton has a huge heart!  She is compassionate, caring, and loving.  All she was concerned with was the length of time she would have to wait to get her new little sister!

Hudson, is our analytical child.  He immediately began asking questions, "Where will she sleep?" "What school will she go to?"  "What if we don't get K, and they give us a different kid?"  "Is she nice?"  "What does she look like?"  "What will we have to do to get her?"

Landon, our laid back child, rolls with the punches!  He grinned, kind of shrugged his shoulders and continued enjoying his crawfish and french fries.

As we discussed some of the challenges we could face, they sat and listened.  We told them K had not had a stable life, so she would probably have struggles and need help adjusting.  We told them it would be hard, and that we really weren't sure what to expect.
In the end, we asked them what they thought about us fostering.  I will never forget the looks on their faces.  They stared at us like they didn't understand the question. Then Payton said, "Why wouldn't we want to help a kid without a family?"  Then Hudson and Landon chimed in, "Yeah, why wouldn't we?"





    

Ordinary turned Extraordinary

I so wish I could use K's name in this post, but I can't because she is not adopted yet.


Three months later...

It's interesting to reflect back on an unbelievable day, and remember how it started in such an ordinary way.

Hitting snooze (one too many times)

Drinking my coffee with hazelnut creamer 

Watching Ron Corning and Alexa on channel 8

Driving to work while talking to my mom

Sitting at my desk checking my email

Just normal, every day stuff...

Then something extraordinary happened!

I was making my way to the library with my overdue books, when Mrs. Gilpin and Mrs. Ruiz (our school counselor) stopped me in my tracks.  Urgency was all over their faces.  Before I could ask what was going on, Mrs. Gilpin said, "Remember when you told me you would take K home in a heartbeat."  

"Yeah." I replied.

"Well, K just told me her foster mom is not going to keep her, and she is going to have to go to a new foster home."

"What!" I gasped.

"K's foster mom is not keeping her, and she is going to be placed somewhere else immediately." she repeated.

The words hung in the air...

I was stunned.  I remember everything seemed to stop for a moment.  I could see Mrs. Ruiz and Mrs. Gilpin in front of me, their mouths moving, but it wasn't registering. 

I'm sure it was just a split second that I was completely zoned out, but it seemed like several minutes.  

The first thing I felt was panic, not because I thought God was dropping a foster kid in my lap, but because the thought of never seeing K again overwhelmed me.  

What would happen to her?  Where would she go?  

The minute I started thinking about it, I had to stop.

The tears were coming.

Mrs. Ruiz looked at me, her usual chill expression was gone,   All of the sudden, it felt like a million bricks were on my shoulders...

"Were you serious?  Would you take K?" she asked.   

They stared at me, waiting...

"Yes." I finally said.

They both grabbed me, and I remember hearing one of them say, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!"

I began freaking out on the inside.  I tried to play it cool in front of Mrs. Ruiz and Mrs. Gilpin,  but the urge to go a little NUTSO was real!

"What do we need to do now?" I asked them.

"Don't you think you should ask Phillip?"  Mrs. Ruiz said.

"Yeah, that would probably be good." I said.

I think I was in a fog for a good 30 minutes.  I called Phillip, he didn't answer.

I called again, no answer.

Then I got a text from him - "I'm in a meeting, can't talk."

I texted back - "Remember the foster girl I told you about (the one with the roach).  Her foster mom is not keeping her, and she is going to be placed somewhere else immediately."

I will never forget my husband's text back...without hesitation - "Move on it!"

At that moment, I bursted into a crazy, weird cry/laugh.  I don't even know what it was...it was possibly animal like.  Thankfully, I had gone out to my car, so nobody witnessed my outburst.  If someone had seen me, they would have thought I was having a seizure and called 911.  

How could this be happening?  My emotions were everywhere!  I think it was probably the closest I will ever come to feeling schizophrenic, or at least I hope so.  

I was scared that if it didn't work out, I would never see K again.

I was terrified of all the bad things that could happen if it DID work out!

I was amused at God's sense of humor.

I was dumbfounded that I married a man that would reply, "Move on it!"

I was anxious to know what we needed to do.
I was wondering if I was going to go home with another kid that day.

I was worried that we hadn't talked to Payton, Hudson, and Landon yet.

The craziest part was that in the midst of my freak-out, I was completely confident that we were doing what God wanted us to do!

Knowing we were being obedient to a calling He had laid our hearts years before, brought me peace.

Now don't get me wrong, I was still panicked, but I had faith that God was going to work everything out according to His plan.  

By the time I pulled myself together and went back into the building, Mrs. Gilpin had called K's foster mom and confirmed the information K had given us.  It was 100% accurate! K was going to be placed somewhere else ASAP!

(Moms, you'll be glad to know that us teachers don't believe everything your kids tell us!  We believe most of it, but not all of it!)

Next, Mrs. Gilpin, along with Mrs. Ruiz and Mrs. Turner (the school secretary) all contacted CPS.  They all tried to get information on how Phillip and I could get K.  Unfortunately, they all received the same information.  They were all told Phillip and I would not be able to get K because we were not licensed foster parents.

It seemed like the end of the road.  Three different CPS workers, including K's personal worker, were saying the same thing.  It seemed like there was nothing we were going to be able to do!

But God had a plan!

Mrs. Gilpin said, "Hey, I have friends who are licensed foster parents.  Let me give them a call and see if they will take K temporarily until you and Phillip can get your license."  

It seemed like a long shot.

Mrs. Gilpin stood against the office counter with her cell phone to her ear.  The school secretaries, Mrs. Ruiz, and I quietly listened.  Our hearts were deflated by the news we had received from CPS.  Our excitement was fading, and the thought of having to say goodbye to K was heartbreaking.

"Hey Meredith!"  Mrs. Gilpin's voice was upbeat and calm.

The conversation went something like this  -

I have a crazy situation and I was wondering if you and Jason could help.  I have a foster child in my class, and her foster mom is not going to keep her.  She has to be placed somewhere else immediately.
I have a teacher here at the school who wants her, but she and her husband are not licensed foster parents.  Would you and Jason be willing to take her temporarily until this teacher and her husband could get their license?

There were many hmmm's, no's, yes's, uh huh's, and moments of silence as Mrs. Gilpin listened.

When she hung up, she had the biggest grin on her face!  

"She said sure!  

Not only that, she said they would continue to bring K to Motley to finish out the school year here!" 

UNBELIEVABLE!

It was an absolute whirlwind of events and emotions!

After Mrs. Gilpin talked to Meredith, I got a hold of Jonathan's Place, the foster/adoption agency that Meredith and Jason were licensed through.  I figured that it would be best if Phillip and I got licensed thought the same agency.  I thought it would make the transition smoother.  I explained the situation to one of the directors, and they informed me of the steps we needed to take to begin the licensing process.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted!
I couldn't believe all that had happened within a few hours, and God wasn't done yet!

When I got home, I walked into the house, and made a beeline to my parent's room.  My dad was in his recliner watching the Ranger game.

I said, "Dad, K's foster mom is not going to keep her, and CPS is going to place her in another home immediately."

My dad's eyes started tearing up.  I could see the disappointment and sadness coming over his face, so I quickly added, "But Phillip and I are going to try and get her!"

More tears welled up in his eyes, which made me want to cry.  In an effort to avoid the crazy cry/laugh, animal-like sound from earlier in the day, I walked down the hallway.  I thought we both needed a minute to regain our composure.  I went to the bathroom, and when I came out he was sitting at the kitchen table.

When I joined him, he said, "Mindy, remember our church service a couple of weeks ago.  The one when the pastors told us to think of someone God was putting on our hearts.  The pastors told us to write their name on the wall and pray for them...well, I wrote K!  I wrote her name!  God put her on my heart, and I just prayed she would have a good life."

WATERWORKS!
WATERWORKS!
and more
WATERWORKS!

Both my dad and I are criers!

UNBELIEVABLE!

When my dad told me that he had written K's name on the wall at church two weeks before, I just died!

Then I remembered that our pastor, David Griffin, had taken a picture of one of the walls covered in names, and posted it on Facebook.  I grabbed my phone to see if we could see K's name in the picture.  I knew the chances were slim, because there were 4 different walls full of names.  Two walls at the Sunnyvale campus, and two walls at the Forney campus.  I thought, "What's the chance he got a picture of where my dad wrote K's name?....very slim!" I pulled up David's Facebook page, as my mom, dad,  and Phillip hovered over my phone.

"There it is!"  my dad exclaimed as he pointed to her name on the wall!

   

My Negative Pregnancy Test

It was December.

December 2013 is when I found out K was a foster child.  I know I told you I am terrible with dates, but I actually remember this....for real!

I'll admit, I about died when Mrs. Gilpin uttered the words, "foster child."  My heart jumped in my throat and in a split second I could feel the sheer panic rising up....

It's weird how some of the same exact feelings I experienced in having our biological children, I have experienced in becoming a foster/adoptive parent.

I remember when Payton was only about six months old, and I thought I was pregnant.
I rushed to Walgreens in a panic.  All the way to the store I was thinking,  "OH MY GOSH! WHAT WILL WE DO?"
When I got back home, I peed on the stick and the result was NEGATIVE.
Immediately, I felt relieved.  WHEW!!!
Then the strangest feeling crept in...DISAPPOINTMENT!  Isn't that weird!

What caused me to be disappointed?

LOVE!

As cheesy as it sounds, babies bring with them an enormous amount of love.  No matter if they are planned or surprises, they bring love!

When Mrs. Gilpin told me K was a foster child I had that, "OH MY GOSH! WHAT WILL WE DO?" feeling.  I just knew God was about to drop a foster kid in our laps, and I was about to go into full freak-out mode!

After Mrs. Gilpin explained that K had been with her foster mom almost 3 years, I felt relieved.  That sounded pretty permanent to me!  I remember thinking, "WHEW!  God's NOT going to drop a kid in our laps!"

Then the disappointment crept in...

Disappointment because I knew we would love K and I thought she would love us too.

Nothing Says Love Like a Roach!

Two years later...

So, I bargained with God and pretty much forgot about the whole thing.  I figured I really didn't need to put much thought into us becoming foster parents because it wasn't going to happen - unless of course God dropped a kid in our laps, and the odds of that were...I don't know....slim to none! RIGHT!

2013 was a busy year!  We were in the midst of building the Grylls/Fahey compound in Kaufman, and boy had it become a huge deal!  We were having 2 separate houses (ours and my parents) built at the same time, but under one roof line, connected at our garages.  The process had become much longer than we had ever imagined!  My parents sold their house and moved in with us where we waited, and waited, and waited for our houses to be done.  Seven impatient people and two crazy dogs in one small, cramped house proved to be challenging at times!

One day I came home from work and my mom said, "If your dad doesn't get out of this house during the day and do something, I'm going to kill him!"  I knew she was serious too, because her lower jaw was slightly cocked to one side.  As a child, I learned quickly that the shifted lower jaw was a sign that mom meant business!

My mom retired in 2008, but she hasn't stopped working at all!  She is a busy body in the purest form.  She has to be productive at all times!  She cannot watch tv, sit and relax, read a book, play on her phone...nothing like that.
My dad on the other hand, enjoys relaxing!  He is not retired, but his contract work has busy seasons and not so busy seasons.  He works really hard when he is working, but when he isn't working, he likes to watch TV, play on his phone, surf the net, etc...and my mom CANNOT handle that kind of non-productive behavior!

Under normal circumstances, my mom would have provided a constant flow of little jobs for my dad to do around the house.  But since they were living with us, there weren't any projects or jobs for him to work on, and that was a problem.  So, I decided to save them both!

I asked my dad if he would like to come volunteer at my school a couple of days a week.  I told him he could read with kids or help them with their school work.  He liked that idea.  I knew he would...he is a kid person.  He likes kids and they like him!
I went to school the next day and emailed some of the teachers.  Mrs. Gilpin, one of our kinder teachers, was the first to respond.  She saw me in the hallway and told me she had a little girl who she thought could benefit from reading with my dad.  She explained that she didn't pick K because she needed help with reading, but because she needed a positive male figure in her life.  Ms. Pfannenstiel picked Emmanuel, who was the cutest butterball in the world!  Ms. Gomez picked Miguel who was a hard worker and very eager, but gone from school so much he was dragging behind.  Ms. Torres picked Alexis, who was so severely behind, he was in 3rd grade not even reading on a kindergarten level.  Mrs. Blazek picked Eric, who she knew would soar with just a little extra push.

My dad LOVED reading with the kids.  Each day he came a little early to make sure he had his schedule in his pocket, along with some stickers and candy of course!
In the evenings he would tell me about the funny things the kids would say or the little mind blocks he tried to help them overcome.  Many times he would say, "And that little K in Mrs. Gilpin's class...she is a mess!"

I didn't know any of the kids, but since they were reading with my dad, I slowly got to know them all.  Mrs. Gilpin's classroom was directly across the hallway from mine, so I saw K often, and I got to know her pretty quickly.  I immediately knew my dad was right about her too...she was definitely a mess!
She was adorable with a round face, pouty lips, dark eyes, olive skin, and a little button nose.  Her brown hair never looked brushed and her clothes seemed too small and a tad dirty.  One of the first things I noticed about K was her sad expression.  I glanced in her room one day and thought to myself, "That is the saddest frown I have ever seen."  Ten minutes later though, I glanced in her room again and she was bouncing off the walls laughing and squealing.
After K had gotten to know us, I explained to her that Mr. Bill was my dad.  Every time I saw her in the hallway after that she would ask me 3 questions...1) Is Mr. Bill coming today? 2) Is he bringing candy? 3) How did he get so nice?

It wasn't long before K had my dad and I wrapped around her little finger.  What a hot mess!  She had an attitude with a capital A!  She snapped her fingers, whipped her hair around, and walked through the school like she owned the place!

One day she came into my classroom and put a fake roach on my desk.  When I saw it, I totally freaked!  She laughed so hard, she snorted!  I told her, "Hey when Mr. Bill comes to read with you tomorrow, put the roach in your book and scare him!"  The next day, K couldn't wait for my dad to get there.  She asked me over and over if he was coming.  Right before he got there, I told her to get the roach.  When she went to get it out of her bag, she realized she had left it at home.  She started bawling her eyes out!  My dad came, and she couldn't stop crying.  Of course, my dad had no idea what was going on.  When I got home from work he said, "I could not get K to stop crying!  The only thing that worked was chocolate, so I just kept giving it to her!
The next time my dad came, K remembered the roach and had a blast scaring him!  My dad said the funniest part was that after she scared him the first time, she told him to look away and she put the roach in the next page.  He acted scared again.  Then she put it in the next page, and the next, and the next...and each time my dad screamed like he was scared.  He said, "Luckily I only had to act scared 8 times because the book was only 9 pages! :)

The more we got to know K, the more our love for her grew.  I started noticing clues to her sad home life.  The guy who picked her up from school was named Dookie, and I guess that's all I need to say about that!  From my observations, K was not living in a very loving environment and it broke my heart.

One day I happened to be in Mrs. Gilpin's classroom, and off the cuff I said, "My dad and I LOVE K.  We would take her home in a heartbeat!"

Imagine my reaction when she responded --"Well, you know she's a foster kid!?!?"

WHAT!!!!!!!!!  I had NO idea!!!!!!!!

Immediately my deal with God flashed through my mind.

I asked Mrs. Gilpin more about K's situation and she explained that she had been with her foster mom for almost 3 years.

With that information, my mind quickly went back to forgetting my deal with God.  Obviously, three years was a permanent situation, God was NOT going to just drop a little girl in my lap like that!  That would be crazy!

        

The Life Changer I Can't Remember

In the fall of 2011, I attended a women's retreat that totally changed my life!  Like it was such a life changer I should remember every detail about it, but I can't remember anything!  Let's be honest here, I actually don't even know if it was in the fall of 2011, but that sounds good!

I really envy those people who can remember dates and details of important events.  You know the people who say things like, "On this day, 13 years ago my husband asked me out on our first date."  What???  Who knows that?  I mean sure, if it was Valentine's Day or something that would be easy.  But it's not...it's like October 5th, or some random day.  I have no idea of the date when Phillip first asked me out.  I guess I didn't think it was going to work out, so I didn't pay attention!  I can remember holidays, birthdays of immediate family, and our wedding anniversary, but that's about it!

So, a few years ago, who knows when, I attended a women's retreat. I do remember the speaker was Jen Hatmaker, and I do remember she was an amazing speaker!  If you are familiar with Jen Hatmaker, this could give you a time reference....this was right before she got famous among christian circles.  It was literally like one weekend she was speaking at our women's retreat in front of maybe 100 ladies at a little camp in Denton, TX , and a few months later she was speaking at conferences in front of 5,000 people, selling tons of books, and showing up on TV.  Crazy!

Anyway, God really used her to speak to me that weekend.  Her message in a nutshell was, "Are you comfortable?  If you are, God is probably not using you!"  I wish I could remember the scriptures she used and the stories she told...but I can't.  I know she talked about taking care of the widows and orphans.  I know she said that many christians are missing out on God doing mighty things in their lives because they are too afraid to take risks.  She explained that when we get out of our comfort zones and do things that scare us to death, we rely solely on Christ.  We need to do hard stuff...that's what stretches our faith.  Right then and there, God snatched my heart and twisted and turned it upside down!  It got me in the gut.  Flashbacks of my conversation with Phillip were playing in my mind.  My own words were ringing in my ears.  "I would NEVER adopt through foster care!" "I would NEVER take that risk."  "I would be too scared of all the bad things that could happen."  Then it got worse!  Philip's words started ringing in my ears, "Who should take those risks?"  "Don't you trust God would take care of us?"

Jen ended the weekend basically asking us, "What hard thing do you need to be willing to do?  Are you going to stay in your comfort zone or are you going to take a risk and see what God does?"  

In the car on the way home, I kept praying about the hard thing I needed to be willing to do...I knew what it was, but I was scared!  I remember thinking, "Okay God.  I'm willing to be open to fostering, but you are going to have to make it crystal clear if that is really what you want us to do.  You will have to literally drop the kid in our laps."

In my bargaining with God, I really love to let my spiritual immaturity shine through - RIDICULOUS!!

Phillip was laying on the couch watching TV when I came in the front door.  He asked how the weekend was and I burst into tears.  I said, "God really got a hold of me.  I know He is calling me to do something scary."  

Phillip laughed, "Well, living each day with me is pretty scary!"  

Anytime I am serious and weepy, Phillip tries his best to lighten the mood.  He doesn't like serious.  

"So, what do you think God wants you to do?"  

Phillip had forgotten all about our heated conversation about fostering.  We hadn't talked about it since, and that was at least a year ago.  I could tell he was really curious of the scary thing God was calling me to do.  

"Well, I think God wants me to open my heart to adoption through foster care."  

Phillip got a huge smile on his face.  He was relieved.  That didn't seem like a big deal to him, but it was huge to me.  He started laughing at me, and I punched him in the stomach!  I quickly informed him of the deal I made with God.
"I talked to God and He is fine if we don't actively pursue becoming foster/adoptive parents.  But if He lays an opportunity in our laps, I told God we will obey Him."
All Phillip could do was laugh at my absolute ridiculousness! 

Just verbally acknowledging my willingness to obey God if He somehow someway dropped a foster kid in our laps, terrified me!  Surely it wouldn't happen!