The Life Changer I Can't Remember

In the fall of 2011, I attended a women's retreat that totally changed my life!  Like it was such a life changer I should remember every detail about it, but I can't remember anything!  Let's be honest here, I actually don't even know if it was in the fall of 2011, but that sounds good!

I really envy those people who can remember dates and details of important events.  You know the people who say things like, "On this day, 13 years ago my husband asked me out on our first date."  What???  Who knows that?  I mean sure, if it was Valentine's Day or something that would be easy.  But it's not...it's like October 5th, or some random day.  I have no idea of the date when Phillip first asked me out.  I guess I didn't think it was going to work out, so I didn't pay attention!  I can remember holidays, birthdays of immediate family, and our wedding anniversary, but that's about it!

So, a few years ago, who knows when, I attended a women's retreat. I do remember the speaker was Jen Hatmaker, and I do remember she was an amazing speaker!  If you are familiar with Jen Hatmaker, this could give you a time reference....this was right before she got famous among christian circles.  It was literally like one weekend she was speaking at our women's retreat in front of maybe 100 ladies at a little camp in Denton, TX , and a few months later she was speaking at conferences in front of 5,000 people, selling tons of books, and showing up on TV.  Crazy!

Anyway, God really used her to speak to me that weekend.  Her message in a nutshell was, "Are you comfortable?  If you are, God is probably not using you!"  I wish I could remember the scriptures she used and the stories she told...but I can't.  I know she talked about taking care of the widows and orphans.  I know she said that many christians are missing out on God doing mighty things in their lives because they are too afraid to take risks.  She explained that when we get out of our comfort zones and do things that scare us to death, we rely solely on Christ.  We need to do hard stuff...that's what stretches our faith.  Right then and there, God snatched my heart and twisted and turned it upside down!  It got me in the gut.  Flashbacks of my conversation with Phillip were playing in my mind.  My own words were ringing in my ears.  "I would NEVER adopt through foster care!" "I would NEVER take that risk."  "I would be too scared of all the bad things that could happen."  Then it got worse!  Philip's words started ringing in my ears, "Who should take those risks?"  "Don't you trust God would take care of us?"

Jen ended the weekend basically asking us, "What hard thing do you need to be willing to do?  Are you going to stay in your comfort zone or are you going to take a risk and see what God does?"  

In the car on the way home, I kept praying about the hard thing I needed to be willing to do...I knew what it was, but I was scared!  I remember thinking, "Okay God.  I'm willing to be open to fostering, but you are going to have to make it crystal clear if that is really what you want us to do.  You will have to literally drop the kid in our laps."

In my bargaining with God, I really love to let my spiritual immaturity shine through - RIDICULOUS!!

Phillip was laying on the couch watching TV when I came in the front door.  He asked how the weekend was and I burst into tears.  I said, "God really got a hold of me.  I know He is calling me to do something scary."  

Phillip laughed, "Well, living each day with me is pretty scary!"  

Anytime I am serious and weepy, Phillip tries his best to lighten the mood.  He doesn't like serious.  

"So, what do you think God wants you to do?"  

Phillip had forgotten all about our heated conversation about fostering.  We hadn't talked about it since, and that was at least a year ago.  I could tell he was really curious of the scary thing God was calling me to do.  

"Well, I think God wants me to open my heart to adoption through foster care."  

Phillip got a huge smile on his face.  He was relieved.  That didn't seem like a big deal to him, but it was huge to me.  He started laughing at me, and I punched him in the stomach!  I quickly informed him of the deal I made with God.
"I talked to God and He is fine if we don't actively pursue becoming foster/adoptive parents.  But if He lays an opportunity in our laps, I told God we will obey Him."
All Phillip could do was laugh at my absolute ridiculousness! 

Just verbally acknowledging my willingness to obey God if He somehow someway dropped a foster kid in our laps, terrified me!  Surely it wouldn't happen!